a confession

last night, i spent my night with couple of my college friends, i kinda needed it. went out to karaoke night, where i (tried to) belt out nicki minaj's 'super bass'. anyway, one of the friend kinda have the same profile as i. in our late twenties and not in a rush to settle down. part of it because we had our 'serious' relationship when we were in college. we spent a good 7 years with a guy we later broke up with. and after that long relationship, we've been having trouble with dating in general. whether it's dating an unavailable guy, or for me is the series of assholes i've dated :)

anyway... for the first time that night, i've been able to say it out loud. i hate to be a person who has regrets, but i do have regrets. i regretted that i didn't break up with my first boyfriend sooner. i was so afraid no one would ever want me after him, i'm sticking with him for 7 years. i knew in year 2 that it will never work out. but i was so infatuated with perfection, and being a one-man-woman (uh huh... don't judge me, i was very young). i regretted that i spent my college years with just one guy, and very much regretted that i missed out in my youth. i didn't have college experiences (getting drunk, threesome, coming home in the wee hour in the morning, party 'till dawn, smoke weed, or the positive things, being exchange student, going around the world, travel). i didn't have those experiences, because i was settling with the guy i was with. he was a simple man, think that traveling is a waste of time, going to concerts and parties are waste of money, so i settle. i obeyed. i became domesticated. i even dreamed about being a wife who took care of her husband, have his clothes laid out in the morning, make his morning coffee the whole nine miles.

i know right?!

so i regretted that i missed out on lots of things. that's one thing i wish i can re-do. i want to go back to my sophomore year and just make a clean break. and experience life! but i guess without that experience, i won't become the person that i am right now, i have one less mistake, but lots to gain.

well, enough with the land of what-ifs. but just so you know, i do hate myself for this, but i have regret. that is not ending relationships when i should have.