dancing with myself

when there's no one else in sight
in the crowded, lonely night
well, i wait so long for my love vibration
and i'm dancing with myself

i didn't really like the song when i first heard it on glee... i know it's billy idol's but the first time i ever heard it was when artie was singing it on glee.

but today, i was dancing with myself. and as it turns out it was what i needed, to have fun with myself *come on, no dirty thoughts* :p

well, anyway, today i excused myself early from the office. no one was really in there anyway, i was guarding an empty office, because everyone were out of town. so, i found out, step up 3d is finally in theaters in here, and i have been waiting for it for quite sometime (not as much as my sister though) but i really need to see some entertaining movie (last movie i watched was the expendables... and yeah... no need to comment :p)

so there i was, just by myself. and i know it's been a while since i been out by myself not escaping from anything (usually i'm off by myself when i'm trying to escape from something this time i just really want to watch some movie). this turns out to be quite fun. and lemme tell you, step up 3d... fan-frickin-tastic!!!!! the dance was sick and wicked! i enjoyed the whole movie, well the script was teenage-ish and the ending was fairy tale... but hey, you can't win anything :) and adam sevani is my new favorite geek!!! the way he moves, oh gosh, it's true, moose is the baddest geek around :)

by the time i get home, i feel recharged, happy and light. and today made me remember what my mom taught me. do everything by yourself, as long as you can do it yourself. well i don't mean to stay single for life, but hey, i can live like this for the time being. ain't nothing bad about going to the movies alone, or eating in a table for one.

and yeah maybe i don't deal with stuff the way a crazy bitch deal with her stuff. i tend to put aside my problem, ignore it, and hope it will evaporate (same thing i did with my work, i wish it'll evaporate :p). and no, i don't really need a guy constantly in my life. i like being single most of the time. i don't have to work my schedule around anyone, i don't have any obligation to tell anyone where i was, or what i was doing, and yes, the best part of being single, is the fact that you can go out with anyone, and not feel guilty afterwards.

being single sucks in a way you have to deal with everything yourself. but i have lucy, pilas, ndut, buriq, oma ika, and my hippo gang to pour out my worries for now. and yeah, once in a while i can flirt with hades too :) that's gotta be some entertainment :p

so let's sink another drink
'cause it'll give me time to think
if i had a chance, i'd ask one to dance
and i'll be dancing with myself

meeting the gods....

i love going to live music shows as much as the next girl who loves acoustic version of songs. i know except you're in the front row you won't get "up-close and personal" with artist, but the energy from the crowd, singing together your favorite song with other fans, god it's priceless. you can't get it anywhere but live shows.

i always go to these live shows either alone or with friends or family. and all those times i was watching the artist doing their best, i look around the crowd, i always see couples hand in hand watching the show. and i always have a pang in my heart every time i see them. see i've never get to go to a concert with a boyfriend. my first boyfriend is not really into live shows. he thought it was a waste of money to see a musician in a crowded place when you can do it in your living room with watching their live tapes (go figure). i planned to go with apollo to a show, but the artist cancelled the show, with big guy we don't really go out from the bedroom much (or in my case, the car :p)

well, last night, i went and see one of my gods... lyrical god that is. i've been adoring him ever since i heard 'disarm' and i think it's one of the greatest song ever written. billy corgan, is one of the greatest lyricist in my dictionary. he's up there with eminem, imogen, alanis, and kanye on writing songs. they could do no wrong in my book. when i learned that he's going to perform here, on my turf, i've been waiting for years to see him live on stage. first name came up in my mind...hades. for a weird reason (even though i'm still with my big guy at that time, if you can call that a relationship) i thought of hades. i remembered around the time we first met, before the complicated crap between us, hades and i exchanged stories about how he loves the pumpkins and marilyn manson. which was a surprise for me, because hades did not strike me as the pumpkins type, he's more like josh groban-ish. but apparently he went to two of their live shows, and he told me it was amazing. and in that moment, i saw hades in different way, he's not that godly, i saw him as me. a person who is in love with billy corgan.

i really did want to contact him the first time i knew corgan was coming. i wanted to share the joy, but i was being (stupidly) faithful, so i retained myself from contacting hades (god knows what happens when him and i meet, and this is still rated PG). but he contacted me shortly after my break up (go figure, it was a real short, i wonder if we really have that 'rebound' chemistry) and we began to talk again, and the billy corgan topic came up. and we agreed, we're going to go together.

so there i was, seeing my idol (or my lyrical god) for the first time. it's really funny, because i have this picture in my head ever since i know he was coming, i know that i will be there with hades, in any circumstances, either we're going there together or we ran into each other. but i went there with him and another friend. i told hades about my invisible bubble. i think he remembered that, because he was keeping his distance from me. i kind of kicked myself in the ass, because that invisible bubbles has exceptions, few guys fit that category, my best friend since college, one of my best friend in the office, my big guy (obviously), and him. i don't know why, but he is inside the bubble, not the outside (btw luce if you're reading this, remember, i just don't like to be touched by guys, but if you're starting to get too close for comfort, you're out of the bubble).

so the evening went well, i was the typical bimbo who went to a guy concert (early in the evening). because the two guys went to see this local band, supposedly they're cool, the thing is when these guys were just coming out, i wasn't in the country to be wow-ed by them. so i was this bimbo who stood there accompanying these two guys and blurted out stupid comment like "this is the only song from them that i know!" which got me the look from those two guys they smacked my head and said, "shut up, you're embarrassing us!"

not until their third song i think, and the pit was started to build in. we were standing pretty close to it. and suddenly i felt an arm around me, and get this luce, didn't flinch. i know for sure now, i don't flinch when i'm with him.

and on to the big show, when i finally meet my god... lyrical god that is. gosh, words cannot describe, to be in the same ground with him, it's like one of those thing that i could cross out from my list. i saw billy corgan live in flesh. i was standing behind hades for the first two songs, because i was still a bit traumatized from what happened in the pit from the earlier band (we were talking and suddenly a guy put his arms around hades to crowd surf... really i was a real bimbo when i was watching this band) seriously, i might sound too much, but it did frighten me... well anyway, in the middle of the 2nd song hades turned around, and saw this little scared me, or rather me who looked like a little geek lost, and asked me if i wanted to stand in front of him. suddenly "bullet in the butterfly wings" was on, and he moved closer (or i moved closer, doesn't really matter) but the thing was i was there in a concert, being one of those people i usually stared at and being a little jealous. i was in a live show with a guy who stood behind me, and we're enjoying the song, because we both love the band.

the highlight of the night was "tonight tonight" i LOVE that song, and i want "tonight tonight" to be my wedding song, i really want to dance to the song with my husband. and last night, there i was, standing there with hades, with his arms around me, and me not flinching and leaned back to him, and singing the same song. in my head, that moment, couldn't get any more perfect.

true, he's not my boyfriend, just a friend in need (is a friend indeed :p) but in a strange ways, i have that moment in my head for a while. and i know, if anything ever happen with me and hades in the future (which i kinda find it impossible, i'm just a witch and he's hades :) ) smashing pumpkins "tonight tonight" will be our song.

so as i stood there, watching my lyrical god singing, and have a guy in a life show with his arms around me and we're singing the same song, i was that girl, the girl i always envy. so i guess i owe hades a thank you for the night, and albeit the half-hearted show billy corgan was giving us, and the crappy set list (in my opinion) from mr. corgan, last night was my dream concert, with billy corgan singing live and a guy in my arm... it's my idea of perfect concert :)