no one really have a clear definition for it
i thought phil mallinger was perfect. oh god, was he beautiful! but time changes i grew up (took a long time) but he might be perfect, but he's not perfect for me.
and then i thought my first boyfriend was perfect. we were match made in heaven, or that's what i thought. for years i try to convince myself he is my match. for he is one beautiful being. he is, i love him. until now i care about him, and i always will have this guilty feeling for him, for leaving him. i was never faithful with him, maybe that's why i have to leave. well i hope he's happy now, and find his perfection.
i thought i found my perfection with the second boyfriend. ow well, i was dumb, i can't really find a perfection based on that. it was infatuation. but i thought it was perfect, but not anymore.
and then, i have my parent's dream job. all of the sudden i am my mother's perfection. i live in her dream, but not mine. yet it's a perfection after all.
and then he completed it. my perfect state. for that long, when he was by my side, i feel like everything is going my way. it's not perfect, but i felt perfect.
but now, i don't know. i could barely finish my entry now.
ow well, i gotta go now.
but before i go, i have to say, that i miss him terribly, and i'm coping, barely making it, but i'm coping.