Tuesday, April 13, 2010

a note from underneath

first off i'd like to start this entry with an apology. especially to my future self. because i couldn't commit into this project like i planned to.

i mean, i've got stuff flowing on my head, and wrote down some. even if i didn't have time to sit alone with alice to pour down my thoughts, i wrote it in my trustee notebook these days. but the thing was, i was REALLY lagging behind in terms of expressing myself.

i am disappointed on my lack of enthusiasm, even to write these days. i mean, i should've find time, in any given time of day, to write. just to sit down and write. but it seems to me i've been pondering a lot. but not doing a lot. it kills me that i'd chose sleep over typing down my thoughts that would evaporates as soon as i closed my eyes.

but then again, i'm only a girl who needs her rest. i wanted to be stronger, i imagined myself to be stronger, so i have tons of energy to do all the things i've always wanted to accomplish. but alas... i'm not that strong. i'm working on it though, but i can't promise you much.

but i hope, i wish, i could still continue on the project (though it's lagging behind more than a month now!!!) i'm looking for a day or a time when i can just sit down and fill each day with my already written out thoughts. i mean, i do write (in a sense) everyday. i wrote the draft and outline of the entry. but just never got around to make it a story. i have to now though.

and i'd like to apologized for those who read my thoughts, i'm sorry i'm not that consistent, with that i also want to express my sincere gratitude for you who took your time and read my words. i hope my words can fill your days, give you new perspectives, and make you (somewhat) a changed person...in a good way :)

so with this note, i vow (again) to be a better writer... after all it is my dream job... ever since i could remember i always want to be (some sort of) a writer... whether it is a poet, a journalist, or a scriptwriter. i just want to write, and i want to affect.

and i don't need to be seen... i just want to be heard :)

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