getting lost in the crowd

that's the thing i long most. to blend in the crowd. but for me, in a way it seems to be hard to do. i naturally stood out. and it's like a gift and a curse at the same time.

among my family, i was always that person who always had stupid interesting stories about her day (during childhood) i had the attention of the crowd without trying, my older cousins picked on me for no apparent reason beside the fact that i was just an easy target.

when i moved to the states, i faded into the crowd, no one seems to notice me, well except the esl children. but go back to my regular high school mates and ask them whether they remember me at all, they would say no. somehow, it feels nice to be a wallflower. i didn't appreciate it when i was in high school, but now i long for that day when i could just get lost in the crowd without being recognized. it's easy to capture human emotion that way when people hardly notice you.

one of my friend told me, that my body language is not inviting, and that was the cause that never landed me a one night stand :) at the moment, i can't figure out why did that. now i know, all these years, i've practiced the art of staying low, i guess i kinda clashed with the art of leave me the hell alone :) and as a person who loves to capture human emotion, i trained myself to be invisible, i trained myself too well...

but you know what, from a person who always stood out in the crowd, i kinda look for a place where i am just another flower on the wall, because i love being there