feb 26/back to my roots

in yogya i am now...

after 12 hours of grueling train ride, i have arrived in this city. please note that the train ride was not as romantic as i pictured it would be :p. the lumpy seat, uncomfortable positions, thank god i didn't opted for the economy-class :p. by the time we arrived in yogya, i felt half of my ass was either missing or full of rashes (i kinda prefer the first though than the latter... if half of my ass was missing, i'd fit on my skinny jeans again ha!!)

anyway, it's weird that i was really eager to go to yogya. see i am 75% javanese and 25% bantenese (my dad's 100% javanese, my mom is half-and-half 50% javanese and 50% bantenese). but when i was a child, i always resent the fact that i am a javanese. part of it maybe because my aunts and cousin teased me so much about being a javanese, and the other part maybe because my dad's side of the family are not so cool :p

anyway... i was a kid then, you can't hold me against that :) but lately, i've been wanting to go to yogya. i want to go to mbah putri's grave. i miss her a lot. i really kicked myself in the ass for never really took the advantage of having grandparents to the fullest. mbah putri died when i was in 2nd grade, i didn't really have much sense of how lucky i was to have her watch me grow. after mbah putri passed away, i didn't really got in touch with mbah kakung (or i call him mbah tris). partly because he has a new wife, and i resented that so much (maybe influence from my dad, or yeah well, partly i was angry at him too, to the process, don't need to get into details). i had mbah kakung for 15 years after mbah putri's death. i met him only several times. i regret that now. i was really angry at him. i even told my mom i probably do not want him in my wedding. well, i admit i was wrong in my part for being angry so long. by the time i forgave him, our relationship was so estranged, it's difficult to mend it. well, i didn't give it 100% effort too. i did try to visit him, when the mood permits, i remembered my last visit to him. he was surprised to see me and my sister. he would try to remember facts about us. now if i had the chance to talk to him again, one last time, i'd tell him i'm sorry i was angry for so long. and personally, i have forgive him. it's not entirely his fault, he's just a man.

well, getting side-tracked for this entry... :D

anyway, back in yogya, i went around the town, and capturing its beauty. it was crowded, for it was maulid, i wanted to capture the grebeg maulid, but because of the train being late and everything, i didn't get to capture it. ow well, tough luck :)

now, even though my dad's side of the family is still uncool, and i still so liberal you won't believe i'm javanese, but i'm no longer ashamed of that root. call me mbak ayu now, i'm no longer embarrassed, in contrary, i am proud.

i'm javanese, because i am my father's daughter