feb 11/it's the return of the... oh wait...

workaholic me... :(

i used to have this REALLY strong work ethic. i did. i would do my job as good as i possibly could. for in my last office, the boss knew my mom, and whatever i did, would reflect on my mom... so i worked my ass off, and always, always on my A-game.

but that was then... after all my hard work, my boss found out i was sleeping with her golden boy, suddenly... she ditched me... after all my hard work, the loyalty i showed her, she ditched me for a gossip that is not even relevant with my work.

so... after abandoning my family, leaving my boyfriend (at that time, i seriously would choose work over any of them), it was all a waste when she found out i was dating her 'golden boy'. her judgement became subjective. that's when it hits me... working is not everything. and my relationship with the golden boy, you guessed it, ended... and i'm trying to mend my lost with my family. and the workaholic ayu... has left, and i thought it was for good.

until tonight. i have to finish some work, but i have a schedule in indika, so after finishing my two hour show... i had the urge to went back to the office and finish my work. and went back to the office i did... 10 pm, i'm typing down some stuff i hope it'll change the course of humanity. goodness...

i hope she doesn't linger too long, because workaholic ayu is exhausting!!!

insignificant

standing in the verge of nowhere

having nothing but heart on my sleeve

i screamed out to the heaven

'this is not the life i ordered!'

he tapped me in the shoulder

and dance in the dark we went

i laughed like it was the time of my life

i drunk like there's no tomorrow

and then he whisper...

'i'm not worth the chance'

and he flees...

but not before giving me a lingering kiss

as he vanished into thin air

as he left me here again

with nothing but my heart on my sleeve

i drew a silent sigh

'to me... you're never insignificant'

and i stood here until he returns

-solo, feb 28 '10-

feb 10/the end of....

a diet plan.... :p

my weight has been going to the roof... i ate and ate and ate :) not because i was troubled, it's the contrary... i just love to eat! :)

so, from the time of.... eh lessay 8 months ago, until now, i gained around 7 kg!!! yep, you heard that right, 7 kg!!!! my jeans are really tight now, i showed more ass and thigh than i would really like. so, about a month ago, i decided to have a diet... epic fail!!!

so right now, i just embraced whatever it is that god gave me, shake the things that my mama gave me :p and yes...buy new pants :)

feb 9/the newest obsession

aaah.... it wouldn't be me without an obsession :p

i always love dancing, i do... i just can't really stick to everything i'm doing :p *easily bored...guilty as charged* i used to take some balinese lesson... best moments of my life really, i love performing, it gives me an edge and the thrill :)

right now, LOVE so you think you can dance... mind you, in this part of the world, it's kinda delayed... well... i know that the show's been in its 6th season already... but hey, i LOVED it *mary murphy mode on*

especially the contemporary.... omigod, like watching poetry comes to life. it's so beautiful and moving.... next time i'm in the states, gotta watch a live show! i bet it's intense!!!

so right now, as i popped in some unknown singer, and picturing myself gliding on a stage... it's an epic fail i know... so for now, i'll just settle for being an audience then :)e

feb 8/an update from olympus

it's been a while since i talk about the god and goddess of mount olympus. the thing is, i just don't care too much about being a goddess these days.

but first and foremost i'd like to tell you that my infatuation with hades is sooooo over. i don't know, he's just too 'dark' for me i guess. i mean, his ways, the lifestyle... not me... i could never be the one to stand by his side. even if i can transform myself into a goddess that is worthy of his company, i wouldn't like myself very much then. so, i decided, hades... is better off just in his world, and i would not transform myself to be persephone. i'm too precious for that.

aphrodite is doing fine right now. after all, she is aphrodite. she has to have that tough face, and tell everyone in the world that she is the prettiest being that has ever existed. i don't talk much to aphrodite, part of it because i don't think i would enjoy her company that much, and part of it because i think apollo turned on me because of her. deep inside my heart, there is a gut feeling that tells me she is responsible for my exile from olympus

apollo... he's another story. i don't know if i could ever find another apollo. i don't know if i belong to be with the gods and goddess... after all i'm merely a witch, nothing more. so, i have to learn to let go my dream of becoming his bride. it's tough, really.... but i could be a stronger witch after, and elphaba will be proud of me.

so as i am sitting here in the land of oz, looking up to mount olympus, i don't really know if i could cope, being so far away from the land of oz. but i kinda miss it though. i miss the glitz and glamour of olympus, i miss apollo's sweet words and his wisdom. still somehow.... i wish there was a bridge from oz to olympus, so apollo and i can built our castle, right in the middle.

feb 7/a day with finn :p

finally.... i found the complete dvd set of glee.... alright, say it, yes, i'm acting like a little teenybopper but hey.... at least finn's my age =D and puck is too!!! love it.... :p

it's a typical high school drama, with the typical characters, the jocks, the cheerleader, the outcasts (geeks, artsy people, foreign exchange students??? :p) i'd say it's dawson's creek the musicals :p

it's really brilliant, the idea that is offered in the table by ryan murphy. and i bet whatever network that rejected it, is kicking themselves in the ass at this moment :p amidst the 'dark shows' that is available right now in television, glee is like a breath of fresh air. it's light, it's refreshing, and it's fun.

i can't help but became a gleek myself, and singing all through the afternoon... "you can't always get what you waaaaaaaaaaant..."

:)

feb 6/saturdate... with daddy :)

it's saturday... mommy left to the office for a workshop, leaving me and bapak alone in the house. my dad... whose tummy is bigger now (his words not mine... even though my words would not be far off from his :p)

buriq had invited me to snaps some pics along with her today, so i kinda feel bad leaving my father all alone in this vast (@ times) house. so i asked him to tag along, it'll give us chance to catch up anyway. and seriously, you need to catch up with your parents, because you never know how long they'll stay with you.

so daddy tagged along with me to buriq's house... and he hadn't seen kresh in a while, so it kinda brighten his day.

buriq and i didn't get to take some snaps though, for it was raining like crazy in the afternoon, but i did have my saturdate with daddy, and it was priceless.

feb 5/another kresh night

i can't be part from him for more than two weeks!!!!

i missed his tindak tanah??? (i really forgot the name of the ceremony, it's javanese, where the kid are expected to walk, so they have this whole ceremony to welcome the kid to the ground, go figure) well, i hope he forgave me for that. and he did!! when i came by, the first thing he did was looked at me and gave me this huge smile. my heart melts!!!!

but the thing behind kresh's date nights is to get to talk with buriq. we talk a bit about life, about our business, and kresh!! :)

i love my kresh night, that means i get to catch up with my favorite little guy, who is all grown, tumbling, circling, and smiling. god time goes fast :)

so kresh night, should be a bi-weekly thing for me :)

feb 4/when the lights are out

i love my other job. the one that kept me happy all the time :)

but i can't help but think how short-lived this job is. i love it with all my heart, but i know my days are numbered here. and the number might be shorter than any of us think.

so i have to learn to give it up, slowly but sure. i have to learn that people has to move on... past certain stage, where we have to compromise. it'll be hard, it'll be tough, but as my cool boss would put it "easy is not a word in an adult dictionary" well put boss... :)

so right now, i'm just enjoying my time here... the time will come, when i have to face my pd and gave him the most dreadful thing ever.... my 2 (maybe 1) months notice. but hey, i'm going to make these time the best time of my life. and i can tell my kids and grandkids one day that mommy/granny was an announcer... a pretty decent one too :p

feb 3/looking back now

as usual, i have the chance to be alone @ least 5 hours in a day... i have a lot of time to think :D

and today in my alone time, i stopped and think what did i want to be when i was young. you know something, while other kids wants to be doctor, or pilots, or ambassador of some sort... or even a banker, me i wanted to be a writer. i really did, not making it up.

i would say with a confidence... when people asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up. i'd say i want to be a writer. my dad is partly to blame for that maybe :p a poet himself, a stage actor, and all around an art-lover, without realizing it, he'd passed that down to me. he didn't exactly told be to become a writer. he would just share things with me... his books, and poems and stuff. i remembered reading taufik ismail's words for the first time, and just simply fell in love with "tirani dan benteng" the collection of poem from taufik ismail. gosh i loved it... it has this one poem about a rambutan vendor telling his wife what he had seen throughout the day. i was probably that small number of 5th grader who had read 'tirani and benteng' cover to cover @ that time.

and i remember when we have to memorize the whole poem by chairil anwar, i enjoyed it so much, the poem still stuck in my head until this day. so... i was not a regular kid in the sense of my dreams :) and here's the strange part, i didn't want it for the fortune and fame of john grisham or dan brown or agatha christie... i wanted it simply just because...

i smiled when i remembered that... i knew who i was and still am since i was a kid. i am a writer, and i hope it'll stay that way. true i haven't had a book out or anything, but i'm still writing my thoughts down *though not everyday as i promised you i would* but i still do... and in my spare time, i'll try to scribble my thoughts. true i haven't write a single poem since the one i wrote for mcmarried, i'm waiting for that time again actually. the time when i just want to grab a pencil and paper and write my thoughts

i am a writer, and it'll stay that way... no matter what my ID card wrote down there, i am a writer

feb 2/ crunching numbers

i'd say it over and over again.... i am thankful i am a geographer not an accountant :)

i was this close though... on being an accountant, if i wasn't accepted in UI, i would be an accountant, i'm probably working in some bank, all dress up and stuff, and maybe looked slimmer than i am right now....hmmmm..... :)

but NO, i am thankful i am a geographer not an accountant because i was not born to do this! i was not born looking at numbers, i was born holding a pen and note pad anything but numbers!!!! :p hell, i think i was born with theodolite too... but hey, that's just me :)

so as i am staring at the screen, on this ridiculous numbers, and how much we are spending only on meetings!!!! (un-f'n-believable) i am thanking god over and over again, this is just something i do once a year, not everyday.

feb 1/it never just is...

hail comes february... the love month :)

looking back at my love life, there are lots of drama... but no happy ending so far. you know what they say, you have to kiss a lot of bastard before finding the right bastard :p

i was watching grey's anatomy, it's that episode where derek took meredith dog, and he said "it's just a dog."

uh uh.... no... when you're an ex, it never just is....

just a phone call, just a gift, just a book, just a text message, just a gesture, just saying hello, just around the neighborhood... pieces of crap that's what i say.

for exes... lemme say it again, it never just is!

trust me, i know. i mean, exes are complicated, really. that's why i've never really befriended with exes. because you can't be friends, seriously... except when your ex turns gay... but even so, you can't really be friend with them.

so the next time your ex called, for borrowing something you know they could borrow from someone. or just asking for directions, or whatever. it never just is. it could be that they're just want to check up on you and asking how you've been... or... could be something more in store. maybe you like it, maybe you don't

but remember, with exes, it never just is :)

jan 31st/ilham's bday bash

i know we're like a week late to celebrate it... but all 6 of us... plus elang, came together for the right reason this time... ilham's belated bday bash

we chose this new place to try out the food... it was...americanized, but hey it taste good. they have a gigantic portion of each platter, but it was good.

funny thing, we kept noticing people getting 'surprise' cakes. and the waiter singing "happy bday to you" to the bday person. ilham kept looking at us and saying, "if you guys pull that on me, i swear to god i'm going to walk out."

pull that on him we did :) pilas and i snuck out to buy the cake... and the look of his face, priceless :)

it's really funny, our relationship is. i mean, hate, love, cliques between cliques... but we're still hanging out and being nice to each other. ow well... i'm just glad i got people to hang around me. and for what it's worth, i always treasure my friendships