Thursday, February 23, 2012

sitting in my room watching the world turns

i'm sorry...
i'm sorry for living yet didn't live it...
i'm sorry for sitting here, and not being out there...

i'm sorry...
that's all i could feel...
i am bound to this chair, and all i could feel is envy...

i envy you
i envy you that you've lived up your life

so i'm sorry,
i've been given much more than you have
but i'm not living it yet...

-for dan & remy-

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

the path

this is the track i build for myself
the road less taken
the one i chose
to lead me to you

i laid this track carefully
one yellow brick at a time
i laid this track
to lead me to my destination

i see my goal
beyond the horizon
still i can feel you
standing there waiting

it might be long
it might be hard
but i'm taking it
one yellow brick at a time

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

29 and single...

never thought i will say those words about me...

no wait, i'm lying, i always knew :)
people have been bothering me from left and right, above and beyond, to get a man. my replies these days, i just shrugged and tell them when he'll come, he'll come.

no, i'm not bitter, and i don't care if you think that way. well i might be sarcastic and loner. but i don't bark at random little kids that annoy me. i just bark at old people who nagged me to get married :p no.... i don't do that, unless it was pms, which by then i claim i have nothing to do with it.

with all seriousness... if anyone asked me, i have never been happier than i am right now. it's been that way for a year or so. i found myself in solitude. i found that i can focus more when i'm alone. so i'm calling this period blessing in disguise.

okay, i do admit, at some point of my life i thought i was going to marry at 25. well i'm kinda glad it didn't happen. because if it did, i would miss a lot! not to belittle anyone who chose to marry young, because i believe everyone has their own story and choices. but for me, if i did get married when i was 25, i would miss a lot of opportunities. it's just the kind of person i am. i will choose my family before anything, and probably would never sit here in this room trying to get my master degree. my days would revolve around getting my husband and kids ready to go about their days, shop for their needs, and be the best wife and mother i could be.

not to say that is a bad choice, but compared to this... gun on my head to force the truth out of me, i still say i'd chose to experience life, which i believe i would not be able to have i been married at 25.

true, at this age, i started missing friends. because when they get married, things change. whether you want it or not, things will change. they will have their 'new' and 'upgraded' life, and it will no longer fit the definition of life that you have. but hey, it's life, it's choices, so i'm not saying one way is better than the other. and yes, you could still hang out, just not the way you used to. tough, life goes on :)

do i want to share my life with someone? yes i do, very much! i just don't want that 'someone' to be 'anyone'. and my mother would say, "be realistic, you're almost 30, your time is running out, your choices are limited, so stop being picky." and again, i would shrug and tell her, "when the time comes, you'll be the first to know."

am i opening myself to anyone right now? um... i can't answer that. i mean, right now, i'm in a place where i want to put myself first. so it's kinda tricky, when someone asked me whether i want to get involved with anyone at the moment. what i learned about me is that i can't have too many things going on around me. so, forgive me for sounding so juvenile, for me, being in love, or the idea of a relationship, would mess up my 5-year-plan :)

but not totally closing it, i mean, when the right one comes along, when God permitted him to stroll along my way at the moment, and he's truly the one. i'm not saying no. but i'm not waving signs and say 'marry me please' at the moment either.

so 29 and single... i don't mind, it's just that people around me do mind. and i get it, they're just concern. that's why i never snapped at any of them (at least not the people i don't know, the people i know, would have better judgement than to nag me 24-7). it is hard sometimes, and kinda pathetic when the most dialed number in your phone bill are your parents' :p but i'm in good place right now. really i am :)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

the art of taking a test

okay how many of you whine when you hear that you have to take a pop quiz or a test?? okay, understandable...

how many of you started to feel negativity towards yourself and saying outloud that you're going to fail??

REALLY???

see, my sister told me this, i'm good at standardized test. it's kinda true :p i passed or did well on about 90 percent of standardized test i took. so it kind of annoyed me when people are being so negative about it. and i hate sounding cocky, because i know i'm going to pass it, so what i do is just i kept it to myself and myself only. i don't even tell this shits to my mom, it takes the fun out of it :p

wanna know my secrets on rockin' standardized test? well except study really hard (that means look back on old tests and see what kind of stuff they gave in the past, it's standardized test, they kinda have paterns) is that i always believe when i took those standardized test that i'm going to rock it. and i'll have that attitude all the time i was taking the test.

well it doesn't mean that i always feel this way. there's always a time when i'm not so sure whether i'm going to pass or not, but i'm always hoping, even though i might say outloud that i'm worried that i'm going to fail, but there's always a little voice in the back of my head saying that i'm going to do well.

so my advice for you naysayers, start believe in yourself. it's not a crime to say that i'm going to do well in this, because i don't belive there's a crime in admitting that you're good. just don't get too carried away :)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

the end of a chapter

i heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who helped us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return, well i don't know if i believe that's true, but i am who i am today because i knew you

every great story has an ending... it's like graduation, it's not because you stop loving it, it's because it's time to move on. i know that my life as an announcer will end sooner or later. just never figured out it would be this soon.

i started wanting to become an announcer back in high school. i was in awe with drew f'n hanson (i think i told this story so many times) the man is great, but i just think he has a shitty luck. but back in the 90s i can say, hands down, he was the greatest announcer i have ever listened to (you can follow him in @thedrewhanson he's more sarcastic these days, but he's still my idol). i was in awe whenever i hear him on the air, and the way that man thinks and ideas in his head, i wish i have that ability. so, ever since i was an avid listener of sunday night 90's in 97.9 wnci, i wanted to be an announcer.

that desire was solidified by carson daly's article in teen people circa '97/'98 (i know deep right?!) well anyway, in that article carson said that he initially wanted to a preacher, because he wanted to touch people's life. and he ended up becoming an announcer which later became mtv vj, and now the tv personnel that you know (or don't :) i don't blame you, but if you are 90's kids and you watched TRL religiously, you KNOW carson daly). well anyway, he said, looking back, he said he didn't regret that he became a tv personnel instead of a preacher. because he said if he became a preacher, he might touched the lives of 200 people in his congregation, but by becoming a tv personnel he touched the lives of millions, and theory proven, he touched my life.

so carson put a meaning in my dream to become an announcer, to touch people lives. i know i sound like pageant girls when i say this. but i truly do want to make a difference. maybe i didn't get as big as carson daly or drew hanson, but at least i got a taste of that. and i know someone was listening, and i hope i contributed something in their lives.

well, aside from that, i have this enormous love for music, but i can't carry a tune even if my life depended on it (don't believe me, ask my sister, and my friends who had endured my karaoke performances), and i don't play any instrument. but i really want to be involved in music somehow. and the only way i know how is to become an air talent, or an announcer :)

plus my long life dream is to become a reporter. well that one didn't work out, but hey i turn out okay i guess :) so radio DJ is a reasonable option for me.

my first radio gig is back in 2001. my mom told me that RRI Pro2 FM was hiring. and lemme tell you something. every time i applied for an announcer job, i have never listened to the radio before :p (that includes this last one, yes ver, i have never listened to indika before i stepped in the 9th floor of mitra building :p) so i went there for an interview, i wore long skirt and shirt (yeah fashionable right?? i wish i took my picture so i can show it to you). so i sit there and lo and behold, i found out that the radio was a 'groovy' radio station that mainly played 'jazz'. uh huh, tell that to a kid to listen to blink 182 religiously that she was going to play jazz in her show. but i don't know what it was that made them to hire me, because i fucked up the voice test like you wouldn't believe. but Denny (gosh for the life of me i don't remember his last name) took a chance on me and call me back to re-do the audition.

needless to say, by some divine intervention and pure dumb luck i got the gig. omigod, i thank god that RRI doesn't have an air check of my early days. i do have them, but i'm keeping it to myself, there is no way i'm letting that goes online :p i was BORING as hell :) but in Pro2 i learned the basic to be an announcer. i learned that being an announcer would not make you rich, but i will give you a platform to be famous and (hopefully) rich. i learned to operate the mixer (gosh i will miss the mixer) and yes we used tape back then (rewind and fast-forward anyone???) and eventually (and honest to god i say this eventually) we got cd players!!! but that's like after i been there a while. so the first 6 months i was there, i got to know the tape player so well. and back then, we can't just come in and sit and announce, we literally have to be there an hour before the show, prepare the materials (remember kids, this was pre-internet era, there was internet, but not as cheap and readily available like these days), setting the tape (that means rewinding/fast-forwarding the tape to the certain song that you want to play...remember tape?? :p), and just pretty much getting your shit ready. so in Pro2 i didn't only learn things about radio, i learned a lot about life :) (which some lessons seems to evaporate when i got into my government job :p)

after Pro2, i was on hiatus for a while, and then i took a gig at Plus FM Bogor. If you're looking for Plus FM right now, don't bother, it's no longer existed. it went bankrupt. but the thing was Plus FM is the radio where i was able to express my creativity freely. my most controversial show was 'your request, my request' where i told the listeners i could not take any more of their 'mainstream' picks and give them another option instead. well, as you know people hated to be told they suck... i got sms like crazy telling me to go to hell. then i picked up this 'whatever' personality that sticks with me until this day.

after Plus FM, i graduated from college, and glad finally i got to choose my own path (or i thought i could at that time) anyway, a friend of mine in college, nugie, told me this 'indika' radio is opening for an announcer. so i sent them my cv and they called me for an interview and a voice test. lemme tell you, i'm the greatest faker in the world. why the hell did you think i passed all those written test?? because i'm fucking awesome that's why!!! :p

needless to say, after a grueling process, i got the gig. and finally!!! Indika FM was like the first REAL radio that i worked in. they actually have producers, an MD that picked the songs for you, and operator who was there 24-7.

i LOVE my job in Indika. i was announcer first, others second. seriously, if it was my choice, i'll still in the business doing stuff. but that's not the way my road went.

but let me tell you, these years i spent in Indika was one of the greatest years in my life. like i say, i got a lot of milestone in my adult life in indika. I went through all my 4 boyfriends in indika :p so yes, the operator saw me pathetically crying because the guys dumped me (yep, i've been dumped in 3 out of 4) i was proposed to in the lounge by my ex-boyfriend (i said no of course, had i said yes, i probably pregnant with my 2nd child right now).

and most importantly in Indika, i got to know wonderful wonderful people who put colors in my life. words couldn't describe how much they mean to me. because in Indika, i rediscover myself, and became who i am right now.

like i say, every beginning must have an ending, that's the way the universe works. and lemme tell you, this is the best ending i could envision for this. i'm giving up this dream for another dream. it hurts of course, like hell, because being an announcer was my life. i defined myself as such, and i guess i have to redefined it, but i believe, once an announcer, always an announcer. i'm not saying that indika will be my last gig ever, but it's my last gig for a while. and who knows, i might pull a michael jordan on you guys :) but i got to do this. and i am excited for what might come next in my life

tonight, i am closing a chapter in my life. but it's not a definite ending. i'd like to think i'm giving it a cliffhanger :p because once an announcer will always be an announcer, or what i used to say, once you got a hold of a mic, you could never let it go (just ask pak agus...okay sorry that was an inside joke :p)

i would like to thank everyone who has made this chapter one of the most wonderful chapter in my book of life. i hope we can keep in touch, i know i suck at keeping in touch, but i'll try my best :)

last but not least, ver, if the backstreet boys had an interview in indika, can i crash in??? :p

anyway, thanks a lot Indika, Plus FM, and Pro2, and now off to new chapter in my life, wish me luck, and i wish everyone the best and i hope in the future we can work together again :)


who can say if i've been changed for the better, i do believe that i've been changed for the better, because i knew you, i have been changed for good...

Monday, January 23, 2012

fireworks

i can't remember the first time i've seen fireworks... i mean those big over the top fireworks, not the one i used to play when i was a kid. but i remember that i was in awe, the whole time the show was going. i think it was after a buckeye's game outside my apartment, or was it the fourth of july... no couldn't have been fourth of july, i came to columbus after that.

anyway, it was always a spectacle for me, fireworks. it always reminded me of warm summer, or the time we went downtown to see the fireworks up-close on the fourth of july (i know cliche, but hey it's the midwest). and i remember one time this undergrad that i hang around with, anggi, tried to capture it, but he forgot to change the mode on his camera (mind you it was pre-dslr days, we used film back then, nothing can do to salvage the shots, on a side note, i always wonder what happened to anggi...so if you know anyone by the name of Bambang Sugiarto but goes by Anggi, please give me a shoutout). well anway, fireworks always fascinates me. well, it wasn't common in indonesia back then.

but now, fireworks are kind a thing in here, and they're always present in huge events. although it does take me back to those days of summer when we stood in our backyard or the parking lot trying to get he best angle to see it, the fireworks here don't have the same magic. back in columbus, they're all colorful and has kinds of tricks i haven't seen here yet. i long for the fireworks in columbus, i long for humid summer nights, chasing fireflies, watching football, calling up my friend ala' and talked until our ear hurts (we talk on landlines so no, i'm not in danger of any brain tumor...well not because of talking on the phone too much i'm sure). i miss columbus, deeply, and someday, and i hope really soon, i can be there again on the fourth of july seeing fireworks in columbus sky.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

meeting the witch

it's no secret that i LOVE wicked... i love the book, the story, and i love elphaba. like betty suarez said "a green socially awkward witch... hey look at me!"

i relate closely to elphaba, i love her! and when ugly betty introduced me to the musical (i know sue me, i know the musical from ugly betty) i was immediately hooked. i searched for the performance, downloaded 'defying gravity' and know the words like passage from the holy book.

when i found out that wicked is playing in singapore, i was stoked. i mean, it's so close, i HAVE to go. well, due to my financial situation at the moment, it's kinda out of the question. i mean the trip and tickets and lodging would take at least 2 months of my salary... that's AT LEAST. so i didn't even try. because i don't want to end up in stacks of debt anymore. but i guess if you want something so bad, there's always a way huh? it so happened that my company is taking a year-end-trip to singapore. and the stars aligned... it seems that i'm going after all...

the trip was postponed a couple of time, i almost thought i won't get to see the musical... but at last we went!!! and i was stoked. i mean, at last, i'm going to go and see the green witch in person (well sort of).

so the day came, when i stepped in the theater and looked at the stage i have to take a deep breath. at last! (i know dorky right?) and it wasn't like the best seat in the house or anything... it's nosebleed seats (can i use that term for seeing a musical or is it strictly sport-related? ow well...) anyway, i can't wait and once the guy announced the usual announcement about photography and recording are strictly not permitted i sat right up.

as the orchestra began, the monkeys came out, the citizen of oz started singing 'she's dead!' i didn't sit back once for the whole 2 something hours.

see i love 'defying gravity' and can't wait for it to come out. but that's kinda all i know from the playbill. well, that and 'for good' and 'as long as you're mine'. but i haven't heard the other songs... and i'm truly in love with 'what is this feeling' and 'not that girl' it's on high rotation on my cd player :)

all in all, i would say one of the highlight in my adult life, that would be seeing the wicked witch in person... for i am an avid apprentice :)

on a side note, not fully related to the subject.... i just realize, i'm kinda a musical dork :p i would blame this to my parents, who supplied me with sounds of music, the king and i, and chitty chitty bang bang in my childhood. and during my high school freshmen year, this senior, lucas something (i forgot his last name) he introduced me to 'phantom of the opera' as he sang 'music of the night' to me (well not in the romantic way, it was more he show off how cool the song was) and i just become a musical geek. true i'm not like all-informed. but i'm a big sucker for musical. i just realized that as i went on and on to my friend when i was picking up the musical soundtrack cds and she was just looking at me with a weird look... :)