morning after thoughts

it's not fair
when you can stand tall while my knees buckled every time i see you

it's not fair
when you can be coy while my heart skipped a beat every time we touch

it's not fair
when you can still make jokes while i lost my wits every time we talk

it's not fair
when you can sleep soundly while i fell so deep

refusing to fall

ache...
i honestly aching for you
is it for you, or the mere feeling of giddiness?

ache...
i physically feel pain in my heart
where it used to beat coldly
now beats painfully
aching for you

i thought i could forget
i thought i could ignore
everything about you
i thought i'd get over it

ache...
if anyone asked this feeling
right now it's just ache

retreat?

i miss you...
but i have decided not to
i decided to forget you
to set you aside

and there you were
you and all your flaws
everything that i love about you
your bitterness, your dismissals, your casual way to show me you're there

you and your flaws
dammit, have i loved you for everything you're not??

without you

i can't win, i can't reign, i will never win this game without you...

my lovely stevie gave me a copy of that song. i don't know how he does it, but it seems like every songs that he gave me eventually have some meaning in my life. at first when he sent me the file, i was turned off by his taste of music. i was like, come on steve, david guetta and usher??? how can that be any good. and as always, when it comes to steve, he's always right.

maybe my state of being at that time couldn't understand the meaning of the song. but right now, i get it. and the song has a whole new meaning, suddenly it came alive and the lyric (cheesy and corny as it is) have a deeper meaning.

for an obvious reason, sort of the same reason why i grinned every time i put on enrique iglesias 'escape', the song put a silly smile on my face. because your face would come up whenever i hear the song. and it is just what i felt at the moment. i mean, i can have everything, but if you're not there when i achieve my goals, i think my life would never be complete.

i can't remember the last time i feel like this, the willingness to share my life with someone. i do have some reservations though, for it's been a while. and i have my own plans, and would you fit in it or not that's a whole another question. but at this moment, this song, describes my feelings perfectly.

i won't run, i won't fly, i will never make it by, without you....

touch

we were sitting side by side

yet it felt so far apart

you're in my right i'm on your left

the distance became unbearable

suddenly the whole thing reversed

you're in my left i'm on your right

our normal hands meet each other

silence...

the static

the anticipation

the heat

the electromagnetic waves between us

pushing us together

trying to get us closer...

and our skin met

i know this feeling

i know this longing

from the time before time

from a dream of a dream

i should know this

i used to live by this

the world became quiet

as they watched us in silence

noticing the touch

the static

the longing

and here i am

still trying to remember

the longing

the feeling

that i used to live by

you've awaken the senses i have long abandoned

you penetrated through darkness and tried to chipped off the wall

brick by brick

and i'm still trying to remember

what is this feeling, this longing, the sense i have long abandoned

from the time before time

from a dream of a dream

big bang

the sun gave birth to earth

nurtured it, and watched it from a distance

as its favorite offspring went through its darkest hour

the sun watched it grow, into the most beautiful planet in this universe

earth grew beautiful and unique

unlike any other

but earth was lonely, it can't stand alone

the universe is too big for earth to be alone

so earth gave a part of itself

to create its mate

earth created moon

beautiful flawless moon

the perfect mate

the perfect companion, for a long journey in this universe

you are my earth and i am your moon

we're in this journey together

this long journey called life

-031912-

run away with me

i have that tune over and over in my head for sometime now. "run away with me" taken from the unauthorized biography of samantha brown. is there any particular reason for that tune to be stuck in my head. at first, no, but now... well i dunno.

if denial is a state of mind, and i'm certainly in denial right now. you know when you're at the fork on the road, thinking to take left or right. i know i should take right. it's the one that i drew up in my map, and it's my frickin' five year plan for god sake!!! but something on the left is intriguing. questioning... made me wonder can i take the left also? what will happen if i do?? would this be the road less taken that i've always longed for??

i still don't know. the left looked tempting at the moment. but the right is my dream. it's all fill with me and me and me. yes, it's a lonely road on the right. but it's the 'happy' road as i know it. but if i swerved left, i never know. i'm not even sure at the moment. it's all vague.

i should just taken my own advice i guess... take my time and enjoy the moment. if it'll pass, it'll pass... if the time comes, i'll know which road i will take. it might be the road less taken, it might be not. i might meet a fellow traveler there, who is as weird as i am, or as passionate as i am, or a simple fact that he can handle my weirdness and make him a companion in this journey.

that's the beauty of life i guess... you never know what will come next. and every choices is connected to the next.

for the moment, i just want to sing 'run away with me' on top of my lungs and let my feelings out. for this fork on the road... i don't know, i guess i'll just sit here and enjoy the view for a while, and make a decision with a clean sober head.