mommy

i was eating my breakfast yesterday, and suddenly i remember my prissy mom. and i decided to make a blog about her. after all, she's responsible for half of this... (pointing @ oneself) besides that, if anyone deserves a post in this place, most of all is her.

my mom is one hell of a woman, if you want to know the definition of the word strong and perseverance, all you have to do is just look @ her. she gave me this life, she made us comfortable. with a price of course, but we're working on the side effect right now. but all in all, my mom is one hell of an individual.

my mom shapes my way of thinking. seriously she does, she makes me the woman i am right now. she makes me strong. i am what i am because of her. i can loudly say "jangan jadi cewek jelek ah" because of her. she taught me, don't ever rely to anything, except God and your family. she also taught me how valuable my sister is, because she's the only one who will stood up for me when she and bapak is no longer here.

she taught me to work for myself. "do not be dependent to anyone after me," she said once to me. "have dignity, and have your own money, even if your husband can provide you with anything you want, you still have to have your own money."

and she is the person who told me, @ 5 year-old, "if you want to be beautiful, you have to experience pain, because to be beautiful is painful." (a lot for a 5 year-old to absorb huh, that's my mom for you guys :) )

she's my toughest critics, @ times i don't show her my works because she is so critical, i felt it's never going to be good for her. and don't even get me started about food. it's hard to please her when it comes to food (except for my cooking, she loves my cooking :) ) she cannot eat street food (it's not hygienic) that's just one of the many. if she found, even a slightest 'mistake' in a food (i.e. something that looks suspicious) she won't eat the food @ all. oh god, i can't list them all...

but in short, my mom is the strongest woman i know. and if i'm half the woman she'll ever be, i will consider myself successful.

me heart mommy :)

song for me....and you

it's hard though, but hey... this is for you dul... i love you
but i hope you smile every time you think of me, as i would every single second of my life.
you're a part of me, i have to let go, but it doesn't mean i'm giving up our dreams, i still keep it in the back of my mind, for me to retrieve when the time's right

i've never loved anyone like i love you, you're the best i have

but it's true you know... we're perfect, but perfect couldn't keep this love alive



remember all the things we wanted
now all our memories, they're haunted
we were always meant to say goodbye

even with our fists held high
it never would've worked out right
we were never meant for do or die

i didn't want us to burn out
i didn't come here to hurt you
now i can't stop

i want you to know that it doesn't matter
where we take this road
someone's gotta go
and i want you to know
you couldn't have loved me better
but i want you to move on
so i'm already gone

looking at you makes it harder
but i know that you'll find another
that doesn't always make you want to cry

started with a perfect kiss
then we could feel the poison set in
perfect couldn't keep this love alive

you know that i love you so
i love you enough to let you go

i'm already gone, already gone
you can't make it feel right
when you know that it's wrong
i'm already gone, already gone
there's no moving on
so i'm already gone

-kelly clarkson 'already gone'-

starting sunday with stupid :)

lesson learned... again... check your schedule :)

i was speeding through the highway today (160 kmph.... heck yeah!!) because i was in a hurry to get to the studio for my morning gig... just to find out... my shift is @ 9 am not 6 am...

yeah, smart huh??? :)

but hey, it gives me time to be alone with jackie and the lightroom....

so updates on flickr and i have to find something for mommy today, her bday's coming up you know :)

have a great sunday everyone!!!!!!

warning signs

she's dead
so stop looking for her
she's not here anymore
so stop wishing that she is

i'm here
that would be me
a sarcastic bitch with foul mouth
a cold cynical wench
and i couldn't care less

so stop looking for her
she's no longer here
and don't ask me to be her

i'm not her
i'm heartless
i'm cold, unfeeling, bitch

so stop

-090828-

life goes on, move on, i have
it's no longer there, stop looking for things you threw away

airport thoughts

i was sitting in yet another airport, and i scoffed to myslef. i'm living my childhood dream, well one of them at the least. this would be the...umpteenth time (i lost count) that i'm here for the year, and it's only august.

when i was a child, i was always in an awe whenever my aunt had an assignment to go to another island. i always fancy myself going places for business. hey there, guess what... i'm that person now.

i laughed at the fact i am so good at packing now, i can pack for the whole entire week in 30 minutes... and yes, i wore every clothes (talking about efficient in packing huh?!). and i am an expert on using the most of my bagage space. i am that cool. i don't do panic, i packed calmly and efficiently. i heart me.

and all this time, i was bitching and whining about my life. i forgot this one simple thing, right now, i'm this cool laptop carrying chick, who knows the airport by heart, and took the plane regularly for her business trip. i am the chick in my dream :)

painfully beautfiul

beauty is pain
literally

and i believe it too, because i experienced it first hand :)

i mean, look at us ladies, high heels, facial, bikini waxing!!!! those things hurts, and some of them like hell!!! :) for what?? in order for us to look beautiful. and the twisted thing is, we paid for being tortured like that???

yeah well, i guess it's true, women always 'tortured' themselves towards perfection. from the middle age (korset... come on, you think those things are comfortable?), and in china, they do the leg bending (mortal torture, lemme tell you that...) that's really sick right??

but we did them anyway.

ow well, the consequences of being beautiful, you have to go through the pain. just like my mother say.

the independence day

today is indonesia's independence day, but not for me. today i realized how much i even addicted to the pain.

today i realized i need you
constantly

today i realized i have to fight for you
i do

today i realized
today i know
yes, maybe i'll fail
yes, maybe i can't get you in the end
but i can say
i gave it all i have

i love you
i do
you give my life a meaning
you do
it hurts now, i've been here
but if i get you at the end
it will all worth the pain