ow come on... like it is not on everyone's mind.
i am (or was) the last person in the mind of everyone i know to be portrayed as happily being a wife and a mom. no, no need to reconfirm that, it's true, because i was the one who built the perpetually single and seemingly happy image. with countless of casual dating and my sarcastic way to answer the dreaded southeast-asian type question, "why was i still single in my late twenties, wasn't i worried that my womb is drying up?" (my answer is as always, i was enjoying life, and my womb is not going anywhere, j lo had her twins at her 40s... so i would like to think i still have time :D)
in my family at least, i am dubbed as the unofficial 'spinster's icon'. my sister and younger cousins would use me as an excuse why they are still single. does that really bother me? not really, i see this as a way to empower younger generation of girls.
the thing is i've been blessed in living in environments where women are not judged by their marital status, and the measure of a woman's success is not marrying at a young age. i am blessed with a point of view that a woman can be fine without a man (thank you beyonce!).
nothing against those who are happily married at a young age. hats off to you guys for finding your soulmate at such an early age, that shows a lot of maturity and wisdom, something i have yet to possess when i was at your age. i was on the other side of the spectrum. marriage wasn't really on my agenda.
well, it doesn't mean i didn't want to get married (well i kinda did at one point, and my mom and my aunt set me straight). but being a wife of someone was never my end goal (unlike most girls in this country). i want to be a wife at some point, but it is not my lifelong dream. i want to have my own name, make my own way, have my own career. i don't want to define my life based on a man. because i kinda did at one point in my life and it made me miserable (ow that's another blog entry).
the thing i want to get across my writing this entry is that don't sweat it. especially for you girls. i know, i know, the old saying that girls have biological clock. but that doesn't mean that you have to marry the first guy who asked you to be his wife (i didn't). when you want to marry someone, it has to be someone who you really truly want to spend the rest of your life with. remember it is your life, you are the one who is going to see that face everyday, and you are the one who is going to go about your daily lives with them, not people who threw some mindlessly two-cent in. so before jumping to any commitment think about that. and remember, marriage is not just about being a pretty bride, something happened in the wedding night, and remind yourself again, you're the one who has to sleep with the person you're marrying, not some know-it-all friend who is seemingly happily married with two kids.
then when do you know when it is time?
huh... never really think about that, maybe because i didn't sweat it so much, so i never really set a target to myself. it doesn't mean that i wasn't looking either. like i said, i wanted to get married at some point in my life, but it wasn't my end goal. and definitely wasn't the only goal i have in this life. so when is the perfect time for you to 'settle down' and when do you say to yourself 'enough searching, this is it'. i guess it's for you to know and find out yourself.
but i will say this though, the best relationship is one that doesn't feel forced. the best relationship is one that you don't need to lie about anything to your partner (yes this includes small details like the kind of music you listen to). the best relationship is one that you don't need to change so much that you started to not recognize yourself. and the most importantly the best relationship is one that makes you a better person when you're with them. so, if you're with someone who made you feel some or all of the above, maybe you're ready to take the plunge.
so if you haven't find the one yet, really don't sweat it. have fun, enjoy yourself, experiments. make a name for yourself, work hard, spend your money on things you like, be carefree. travel, meet people, go on dates, break hearts! enjoy your youth, it only happens once and you'll appreciate it when you get older (oh the irony).
again, i am not saying that you should not marry young. unfortunately that option did not suit me, i married much much later in my life. i am just saying do not force it, because you want it to be a once in your life thing right? not all of us have privilege of the life kim kardashian has. but when you find someone you really truly want to be with, take the plunge, no matter how old you are, or how accomplish you feel you are. because there is never 'the perfect time' to get married, it's either that time has come or not. and i'm telling you, from my experience of being a wife and mom, nothing gave me better joy. so it is a lot of fun...considering you're marrying the right person. and for me, i think i've won the lottery :)
i am (or was) the last person in the mind of everyone i know to be portrayed as happily being a wife and a mom. no, no need to reconfirm that, it's true, because i was the one who built the perpetually single and seemingly happy image. with countless of casual dating and my sarcastic way to answer the dreaded southeast-asian type question, "why was i still single in my late twenties, wasn't i worried that my womb is drying up?" (my answer is as always, i was enjoying life, and my womb is not going anywhere, j lo had her twins at her 40s... so i would like to think i still have time :D)
in my family at least, i am dubbed as the unofficial 'spinster's icon'. my sister and younger cousins would use me as an excuse why they are still single. does that really bother me? not really, i see this as a way to empower younger generation of girls.
the thing is i've been blessed in living in environments where women are not judged by their marital status, and the measure of a woman's success is not marrying at a young age. i am blessed with a point of view that a woman can be fine without a man (thank you beyonce!).
nothing against those who are happily married at a young age. hats off to you guys for finding your soulmate at such an early age, that shows a lot of maturity and wisdom, something i have yet to possess when i was at your age. i was on the other side of the spectrum. marriage wasn't really on my agenda.
well, it doesn't mean i didn't want to get married (well i kinda did at one point, and my mom and my aunt set me straight). but being a wife of someone was never my end goal (unlike most girls in this country). i want to be a wife at some point, but it is not my lifelong dream. i want to have my own name, make my own way, have my own career. i don't want to define my life based on a man. because i kinda did at one point in my life and it made me miserable (ow that's another blog entry).
the thing i want to get across my writing this entry is that don't sweat it. especially for you girls. i know, i know, the old saying that girls have biological clock. but that doesn't mean that you have to marry the first guy who asked you to be his wife (i didn't). when you want to marry someone, it has to be someone who you really truly want to spend the rest of your life with. remember it is your life, you are the one who is going to see that face everyday, and you are the one who is going to go about your daily lives with them, not people who threw some mindlessly two-cent in. so before jumping to any commitment think about that. and remember, marriage is not just about being a pretty bride, something happened in the wedding night, and remind yourself again, you're the one who has to sleep with the person you're marrying, not some know-it-all friend who is seemingly happily married with two kids.
then when do you know when it is time?
huh... never really think about that, maybe because i didn't sweat it so much, so i never really set a target to myself. it doesn't mean that i wasn't looking either. like i said, i wanted to get married at some point in my life, but it wasn't my end goal. and definitely wasn't the only goal i have in this life. so when is the perfect time for you to 'settle down' and when do you say to yourself 'enough searching, this is it'. i guess it's for you to know and find out yourself.
but i will say this though, the best relationship is one that doesn't feel forced. the best relationship is one that you don't need to lie about anything to your partner (yes this includes small details like the kind of music you listen to). the best relationship is one that you don't need to change so much that you started to not recognize yourself. and the most importantly the best relationship is one that makes you a better person when you're with them. so, if you're with someone who made you feel some or all of the above, maybe you're ready to take the plunge.
so if you haven't find the one yet, really don't sweat it. have fun, enjoy yourself, experiments. make a name for yourself, work hard, spend your money on things you like, be carefree. travel, meet people, go on dates, break hearts! enjoy your youth, it only happens once and you'll appreciate it when you get older (oh the irony).
again, i am not saying that you should not marry young. unfortunately that option did not suit me, i married much much later in my life. i am just saying do not force it, because you want it to be a once in your life thing right? not all of us have privilege of the life kim kardashian has. but when you find someone you really truly want to be with, take the plunge, no matter how old you are, or how accomplish you feel you are. because there is never 'the perfect time' to get married, it's either that time has come or not. and i'm telling you, from my experience of being a wife and mom, nothing gave me better joy. so it is a lot of fun...considering you're marrying the right person. and for me, i think i've won the lottery :)
