yeah right!
give me love, and i crumble like soft sugar cookies... my defense, this wall, would fall and i become a girl when i fall in love. that's why i don't fall that often. only 6 times in my lifetime (two were childhood crushes, but they were so innocent and cute, i count that as love, but relationship-wise i've only been in 4). that would only be once every give or take 3 years right? so not that often (well we're not counting pacey witter, mike shinoda, and nicholas gene carter :p)
see... still hiding it. my fear. the thing is, i'm afraid to admit it, but i'm scared to death.
i've never felt this way, until now. see, i don't fall that often, but *i'm trying not to sound cocky* sometimes i impress people too much :) and sometimes, i kind of led them on. so when i 'threw' someone away, i always said to myself, plenty of catch in the sea...
but the thing is, the catch that i wanted, never stay for long. and not until my recent break up, i have this enormous fear of... living alone.
i was always okay to face the fact that i might have to live by myself, because no one could really handle me. i used to be okay with the idea of living in an apartment, by myself (maybe a cat and gold fishes) and just live the life i've always wanted. never going to be a mother, because being an aunt will be enough for me.
but right now, i want more. i want that white picket fence, i want someone to share my bed at night, i want to feel body heat next to me, and when i woke up from a nightmare, i want to have someone to calm me down.
i am afraid i'm going to end up alone. now i hate the idea of not sharing my life with anyone. i hate the idea of sleeping alone...
so there's my fear, i'm scared of being alone... you have no idea
so there's my fear, i'm scared of being alone... you have no idea
